Keeping Keto at Disney World

mk_crystalprerover_20170201_7938321358Last week we took Isak and met my parents at Disney World for the week.  We go every January near the end and celebrate Isak’s birthday early.  It is literally my favorite week of the year.  This year, I had lots of people ask me if we were breaking our food rules for the trip.  Nope, not at all!  It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, I’m not going to lie.  Not because there were so many temptations, because at this point, temptations aren’t really a “thing” anymore.  Yay keto–cravings disappear.  It wasn’t the easiest thing to do because literally, 95% of the food found at Disney contains grains or sugar, which we avoid.  There was one night at Epcot where we each had a quarter of a gluten-free roll.  It was really good as far as gluten-free goes…but most of that stuff feels like wet sawdust in my mouth, so the texture wasn’t appealing.

The thing about staying keto at Disney is that you have to implement some preparation and research.  I did not find any acceptable snacks on the menus of any of the restaurants beforehand when I was researching, so I knew that we were going to have to keep easily portable snacks.  Also, there isn’t much in the way of breakfast food (that isn’t ridiculously overpriced), so we knew we were going to keep a bunch of compliant stuff in the fridge at the resort.  Typically I don’t eat breakfast because of the intermittent fasting (though as of this week I’ve flipped my fast over, but that’s for a later post), but when we’re walking 10-15 miles a day in the parks, I eat more often.

For the fridge and pantry in the resort, we kept: pre-cooked bacon, black forest ham, cream cheese, french onion dip, string cheese, pork rinds, and pepperoni.  If you haven’t tried pork rinds with french onion dip, you’re missing out.  Try it now.  For portable park snacks, my only requirement was that they didn’t need to be kept chilled.  I didn’t want to carry a cooler pack in the park.  We carried macadamia nuts.  Lots and lots of macadamia nuts.  I also kept a few Atkins bars in the bag, and for Isak we had single bags of nut/dried fruit mix.

Now for the fun part…the meals!

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Neither of us could remember where the turkey legs were sold at Magic Kingdom, but after asking 900 cast members, we finally got the right location: the tavern in Adventureland, across from Pirates of the Caribbean.  This was our first stop as soon as we got to the park.  Usually we fly in and wait until the following day to go to the parks; however, we were able to snag an extra day, so JR and I went as soon as we got off the Magic Express and got Isak situated in the resort with Gammy and GrandDan.  We split one turkey leg between the two of us and dipped it in a few packets of mayo.  Everything tastes better at Disney, you know.

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Breakfast on official day one: steamed heavy cream with sugar-free vanilla syrup from Starbucks at Epcot.  This is Isak’s favorite drink.  He calls it “warm chocolate,” no matter what sugar-free flavor it is.  The vanilla though…it tastes like hot-off-the-stove vanilla custard filling.  It’s delicious.  That and a handful of cashews kept him going until lunch.

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This one was my favorite table-service meal of the trip (and yes, I left the handful of fried wonton skins on–they weren’t enough to kick me out of ketosis and Epcot is always where we walk the most).  This is the Beijing Roast Duck Salad from Nine Dragons in China, in the World Showcase at Epcot.  One alteration had to be made: the hoisin sauce dressing was out because, well, hoisin sauce.  Instead, they gave me a small pitcher of the potsticker sauce, which was to die for.  Seriously, my favorite meal of the week.

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In The Seas, at Epcot, there is a restaurant called Coral Reef.  Honestly, we go here for the experience because you’re basically eating inside a giant aquarium.  In my opinion, the food is decent, but it’s not the best food ever.  I got the grilled New York strip steak with double veg instead of veg and mashed potatoes.  We had them bring out extra butter because it wasn’t nearly fatty enough.  This is where the gluten-free rolls were.  Like I said, as far as gluten-free rolls go, those were pretty good, especially when slathered with butter.  If you’re looking for that option, definitely hit up Coral Reef.  JR got the heirloom tomato salad thing here.  I gave him half of my steak and we pretty much ate off of each other’s plates.

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You can’t really tell what this is from the picture, as is frequently the case when making keto alterations, but this is a bacon cheeseburger from Cosmic Ray’s in Magic Kingdom.  They have a topping bar there where we added the mushrooms, onions, and (not pictured) some garlic ranch dressing.  It was a pretty good burger.  JR and I split the burger and…

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…the Greek salad, from the same place.  It was a pretty rockin’ Greek salad, in case you were wondering.  The chicken looks huge, but really it’s just pounded out thin.  The feta wasn’t as good as the stuff we get from Ali Baba; however, it was a decent substitute (and let’s be honest, if you don’t have a refined palate for Middle Eastern food, you won’t notice the difference).  We also put the garlic ranch on this salad.  Yeah, I really liked it.

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This was an Italian sausage without the bun from whatever that sausage company is at Disney Springs (what used to be called Downtown Disney).  The sausage was our least favorite thing of the trip.  It was just “meh.”  Those pickles were awesome though.  Seriously awesome.

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This is actually one of the meals we had at the airport in Atlanta on the way back to San Antonio.  I forget what the place was called, but it’s similar to a Chipotle-type deal.  It was a steak burrito bowl.  Why do deconstructed foods always look like a pile of stomach contents?  Regardless, it was tasty.

I didn’t remember to take pictures of all the food we ate in the parks, so here are the other items we had that I can remember:

Chili Cheese Coney without the bun from that Casey’s hot dog place on Main Street in Magic Kingdom (a delicious addition to our curbside seating for the Festival of Fantasy parade!)

Caesar salad with salmon at the Prime Time Diner in Hollywood Studios.  This restaurant was so fun!  The staff is a hoot and the decor is hilarious.  The salad was great.

If you have any questions about going keto-friendly at Disney, feel free to ask me!  Before going, I spent an hour on the phone with one of their dietary people, who helped me navigate all of the menus in order to find compliant food that wasn’t all burger-without-a-bun situations.  But really, if you’re only going to try one thing from this list, get the salad from Nine Dragons.  You won’t be disappointed.

Avocado Chicken Bombs (Keto)

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A friend and I went out to dinner recently at Chuy’s and discovered something delicious: the stuffed avocado.  Or, at least the version of it that I had them make for me.  It’s typically breaded in panko and fried that way; however, I can’t have panko and they can’t fry it without.  The chef came out to talk to me and we worked out a similar dish, and I thought I would mess around with it once I got home.  The other thing that is like crack at Chuy’s is their jalapeno ranch dressing.  Duh.  Anyone who has been there knows that.

With the same friend coming over to our house for dinner a couple weeks later, that was the perfect time to come up with a similar recipe, try to replicate the dressing, and then unveil the final product at dinner.  This was waaaaaaay better than what they came up with at Chuy’s, so I’m pretty happy about it.  You could make this with a plethora of different layers, but I’ll list it the way I made it last weekend.  Try it–you won’t be sorry!

Avocado Chicken Bombs (Keto)

Serves 4

Nutrition for Avocado Chicken Bombs: Calories (597), Fat (54.2 g), Saturated Fat (10.6 g), Carbs (17.3 g), Fiber (13.5 g), Sugar (1.3 g), Net Carbs (3.8 g), Protein (17.8 g)

Nutrition for Jalapeno Ranch: Calories (101), Fat (10.7 g), Saturated Fat (2.7 g), Carbs (0.7 g), Fiber (0.3 g), Sugar (0.6 g), Net Carbs (0.4 g), Protein (0.2 g)

Chicken

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs

1/2 C olive oil

2 Tbsp chili powder

2 Tbsp lime juice

2 Tbsp sugar-free maple syrup

2 Tbsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp black pepper

1.- Mix everything but chicken together.

2.- Cut chicken into small strips or chunks.  Put in resealable plastic bag and cover with marinade.  Mix around and allow to marinate for at least four hours.

3.- Heat skillet to medium high.  When pan is hot, add chicken in batches, being careful not to overcrowd the pan.  Fry until cooked through and transfer to baking dish.  When all chicken is cooked, cover baking dish and put in 300′ oven for 20-30 minutes.

4.- Assemble into avocado chicken bomb.

Jalapeno Ranch

1 C mayonnaise

1/3 C buttermilk made from heavy cream

1/3 C sour cream

4 oz can chopped jalapenos

4 oz can chopped green chiles

1/3 C cilantro

1 oz ranch seasoning

1/2 tsp minced garlic

1.- Whiz everything in a blender and enjoy.

How I Layered the Avocado Chicken Bomb, from Bottom Up

1.- Avocado

2.- Chicken

3.-Shredded Cheese

4.- Table Cream

5.- Pico de gallo

6.- Jalapeno Ranch

7.- Crumbled Bacon

8.- Queso Fresco

 

Pumpkin Chai Mug Cake (Keto)

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I’ve tried quite a few grain-free cake-type desserts that all turn out like the consistency of a sweet pile of scrambled eggs.  Well, either that or a super dry scone-brick.  This is light and fluffy (at least while it’s hot–it hasn’t made it long enough to hit the cold stage, so I don’t know what it’s like then).  It’s a little more wet than traditional cake, but it’s not like eating pumpkin eggs.  It packs a wallop of a nutritional punch, and would likely be a great breakfast if you paired it with some bacon!

Unlike many keto or paleo/primal desserts, this is nut-free and coconut-free.  If you want to make this primal or paleo, you can.  You would replace the sweetener with honey or maple syrup–I don’t know the measurements of that replacement, and it would significantly alter the sugar content, but you could do it.

This is nutritionally dense enough that I can’t eat one whole serving by myself, so you might want to find someone to share this with.  Once they smell it, people should be lining up to apply for that position.

Pumpkin Chai Mug Cake (Keto)

1 serving

Nutrition: Calories (282), Total Fat (19 g), Saturated Fat (3.2 g), Total Carbs (12.8 g), Fiber (8.7 g), Net Carbs (4.1 g), Sugar (1.4 g), Protein (18.2 g)

1/4 C flax meal

1/2 tsp baking powder

3 tsp stevia

1/2 tsp cinnamon

pinch of cardamom

1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice

3 Tbsp pumpkin puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling)

1 egg

small pinch of sea salt

1.- In small bowl, whisk egg and pumpkin.  Add in all dry ingredients and mix until incorporated.

2.- Pour into mug.  For shorter/wider mugs, microwave for 1:45-2:00.  For taller/thinner mugs, microwave for 2:00-2:30.

3.- To put on a plate, run a knife around the edge to loosen.  Flip the mug over onto a plate.  The cake will be steaming when it first comes out.  If you don’t want your whipped cream to slide right off, let it cool for a couple minutes.

How to Build a Mezze Platter (Primal and Mostly Keto)

Mezze 1

I had some friends over this past weekend for one of the 2-3 days per year that I deem to be “spa day.”  Basically, I gather up a bunch of body/home product recipes that I want to try out, and a few times a year I make a bunch of them all day.  Many of them become standard holiday gifts that we give out.  Usually I do it alone, but I decided that it would be fun with other people, along with wine and (of course) food.  I’m Italian and Lebanese, so both of my nationalities are known for feeding people.  That’s just what we do.  I’ve all but given up most Italian foods, as pretty much none of them work within the confines of a keto diet; however, many Middle Eastern dishes can become compliant (you just omit the bread).  In the Italian culture, one would make an antipasti plate.  In the Lebanese culture, the equivalent dish is called a mezze platter.  Typically the dishes are HUGE–like, between one and three feet in diameter–and are packed full of food.  You can put basically anything you want on the plate, but the purpose is for everyone to eat off of the communal plate.  Part of the enjoyment of the food is in sharing the food, so this is very important.

 

Tzatziki

Tzatziki (2)

Tabbouleh

Tabbouleh

Zucchini Hummus

Hummus

Dip/Salad Trio

Mezze 2

Some of the things I put on my platter weren’t entirely low-carb (hello, figs); however, I just avoided those.  If you look up “mezze platter,” you will find thousands of things you can include…but here is what I chose for this:

Seriously, making mezze for your gatherings will free up way more of your time so you can actually enjoy yourself.  Take it from someone who plans 78-course elaborate dinners on the regular…for this one, I got to breathe and eat…the whole time.

Zucchini Hummus

Approximately 15 servings

Nutrition per serving: Calories (115), Fat (10.5 total, 1.6 sat), Carbs (3.4 total, 1.6 fiber, 1.8 net), Protein (2.9)

3-4 zucchini, peeled and chopped (about 3 C)

1/2 C fresh lemon juice

3/4 C tahini

3 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

1 Tbsp cumin

1 tsp sea salt

1/2 tsp ground pepper

4 cloves garlic, peeled

Paprika to garnish

1.- Put everything in a blender.  Blend on high until creamy (about 60-90 seconds).

2.- Pour into container and chill for at least 30 minutes before serving.  This will thicken up a little while chilling, but it is a thinner consistency than hummus made with chickpeas.

German Chocolate Doughnuts with Chocolate Ricotta Frosting (Keto and Primal)

German Chocolate Doughnuts

This coming weekend will be Isak’s first time going to a birthday party since going sugar-free and (most recently) grain-free.  I don’t want to always bring him his “own” treats, but I also don’t want to undo all of the hard work we’ve done, blowing it out of the water with birthday food.  Fortunately, it’s a morning party, so the likelihood of cake was going to be low.  I asked the girl’s mom what kind of food would be there, and she said they’d have fruit, so score on that one!  But she also said that at the party (which is an art party), they would be decorating doughnuts.  I told her I would come up with a doughnut and bring it for Isak with some whipped cream so he could “decorate” too.

This is the first recipe I tried.  It was originally just a plain, coconut-flour cupcake.  I decided to add some actual coconut and some cocoa to it, as Isak loves coconut and all things chocolate.  Then I made a ganache with butter, cocoa, and erythritol, but it didn’t mix correctly for some reason.  I added some ricotta, mixed it on high, and it whipped up like a fluffy frosting!  I haven’t give them to anyone who still eats sugar yet, so I don’t know what they taste like to “lay people.”  But…I know that Isak chowed down three of them today…so apparently they’re a hit.  If you like coconut and chocolate together, they’re AMAZING!

German Chocolate Doughnuts with Chocolate Ricotta Frosting (Keto and Primal)

Makes 10 Doughnuts

Nutrition per doughnut including the frosting: 223 calories, 20.4 g fat (14.7 saturated), 4.9 g fiber (3 net carbs), 5.5 g protein

1/3 C coconut flour

1/3 C unsweetened coconut flakes

1/4 C cocoa powder

3 lg eggs

1/3 C coconut oil, melted

1/4 C heavy cream

3 Tbsp erythritol

2 tsp vanilla

1/4 tsp liquid stevia

1/4 tsp baking powder

1/8 tsp salt

1.- Preheat oven to 350.  Grease doughnut pan with coconut oil.

2.- Add all ingredients to large bowl.  Mix on high until completely blended.

3.- Pour dough into doughnut pan or mini-bundt pan.

4.- Bake 15-20 minutes.

 

Frosting

3 Tbsp butter

2 Tbsp heavy cream

1/4 C whole-milk ricotta

2-3 Tbsp cocoa powder

1-2 Tbsp erythritol

1/4 tsp vanilla

3-6 drops liquid stevia

1.- In microwave-safe bowl, add butter, cream, cocoa powder, erythritol, vanilla, and stevia.  Microwave until liquefied.

2.- Remove from microwave and beat on medium-low for about a minute.  Add ricotta and whip on high for another minute or so.

3.- Spread onto cooled doughnuts.

 

More Amazing Pizza! (Keto and Primal)

Fran's Pizza

I didn’t think it could get better than the last pizza crust I posted, but it can, and it did.  One of my friends made some changes to an existing recipe, and of course I asked for the recipe while having lunch at her house.  Then I made a few more changes (because I can’t be trusted to make any recipe–including my own–the way it’s written) and now we have this!  This is the most bread-like grain-free crust I’ve ever tasted.  I would go out on a limb and say that once you press this out, you could use a biscuit cutter to make rounds of this and use it for sandwiches.  It’s that good.

It has 21 grams of fat per piece, and almost 7 grams of fiber per piece, to boot.  Delicious and nutritious!  Make some tonight!

Pizza (Keto and Primal)

9 “square” servings

Nutrition:  283 calories, 20.9 g fat, 10.5 g saturated fat, 11.6 g carbs (6.6 g fiber, 2.5 g sugar, 5 g net carbs), 17.8 g protein

2 C shredded mozzarella

3 T cream cheese

1 egg

1/4 C almond flour

1/2 C coconut flour

2 Tbsp ground flax seeds

2 Tbsp psyllium husks

2 Tbsp chia seeds

1 Tbsp Italian seasoning

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1.- Heat oven to 425.  In lg microwave-safe bowl, heat mozzarella and cream cheese for 60 seconds.  Stir and heat another 20-30 seconds.

2.- Stir in egg, almond flour, coconut flour, flax seeds, psyllium husk, chia seeds, and seasonings.  Mix well.  The easiest way to do this is to put on gloves and use your hands to knead it like bread dough.

3.- Oil your hands and press this out on a silpat-lined baking sheet.  Poke some small holes with a fork to prevent bubbling.  Bake 8-10 minutes.  Remove and pop any bubbles that may have formed.  Top with some tomato sauce, cheese, and toppings (the nutrition for this pizza is based on cheese, pepperoni, and mushrooms).  Bake another 8-10 minutes.

Chicken Curry Meatballs with Smokey Bacon Cream (Keto and Whole30)

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I’m pretty sure that these could be made with any meat, but today, I made them with chicken.  They had a fantastic flavor!  And the sauce?  All bets are off.  I’m going to make the sauce to put on pretty much everything.  I mean…bacon…coconut milk…where can you go wrong?

Full disclosure: these meatballs are pretty dense.  They’ll be small, but they pack a mad nutritional punch.  Per meatball, you’re looking at 11.2 grams of fat with half of it being saturated, 2.5 grams of carbs with just over half of that as fiber, 9 grams of protein, and the addition of chia seeds and ground flax meal.  That combined with the bacon fat and coconut milk…I ate three of them and was finished for the night.  They would also be good in a lettuce wrap, but tonight we ate them by their lonesome.

Buon appetito!

Chicken Curry Meatballs with Smokey Bacon Coconut Cream (Keto and Whole30)

20 servings

Nutrition per serving: 138 calories, 11.2 g fat (5.6 g saturated), 2.5 g carbs (1.3 g fiber, 1.2 g net carbs), 0.3 g sugar, 8.9 g protein

1# ground chicken

3 Tbsp coconut flour

2 Tbsp chia seeds

2 Tbsp ground flax meal

1 large egg + 1 large egg yolk

4 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 ground turmeric

4 tsp curry powder, divided

1 tsp red curry paste

Salt

1 C canned full-fat coconut milk

6 oz bacon, chopped

Coconut oil

1.-In large bowl, mix chicken, coconut flour, chia seeds, ground flax meal, egg and yolk, garlic, spices, and 2 tsp curry paste in a bowl.  Mix until well combined.  Form into 20 small meatballs and chill for at least 30 minutes.

2.-Cook bacon in a large skillet over medium heat until crispy.  Remove and set aside.  Remove all but 1 Tbsp bacon grease.  To the bacon grease, add 1 Tbsp coconut oil.  When hot, add meatballs and brown for 30-40 seconds on each side.  Add coconut milk and 2 tsp curry paste.  Mix the paste into the sauce and cover pan.  When the coconut milk comes to a simmer, turn the heat down to medium-low and let cook for 6-8 more minutes.  Remove lid and stir to coat the meatballs with sauce.

3.-Serve with chopped basil or cilantro.  You could also serve this over cauli-rice.

Keto Chicken and Waffles

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…Because sometimes you need some comfort food…especially when you haven’t had bread in over a month.  Am I right?  These waffles are a recipe I made out of a few different recipes.  I didn’t want to use 400 types of paleo flours.  I didn’t want it to be high-carb, but I DID want it to be high fiber.  I wanted it to be similar to regular waffles, but not *so* identical that I would start trolling for syrup.

And fried chicken.  Everything is made better with fried chicken.  For the love of all things holy, use the dark meat cuts too!  I know too many people who only eat the white meat.  I’ll break it down for you: white meat is only protein (and a little fat, but mostly protein).  Dark meat has protein, fat, and a whole lineup of vitamins!  It’s important to get vitamins when partaking in a keto diet, especially if you aren’t getting your daily allotment of carbs from berries and vegetables.

So go drag out these ingredients and get out the waffle maker!  (Tip: use a high heat setting on your waffle iron…I used “medium” and as you can see, they are blonde.  They are only browned in the center, where the iron really hit the batter)

Side bar: These are most definitely kid-friendly.  I’m pretty sure Isak ate a stack of these (okay, three) in a few seconds, then started picking pieces off my plate to eat.

Waffles

Makes 10 small waffles

8 eggs

1/4 C butter melted + 1 Tbsp cold butter, divided

1/2 C canned coconut milk

1/2 tsp vanilla

1/2 C sifted coconut flour

Heaping 1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp pink Himalayan sea salt

  • If you want to make these more dessert waffles, add any mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, orange peel, lemon zest, or poppy seeds.
  • I suspect you could bake this in a muffin pan and use it like a base for strawberry shortcake, but I haven’t tried it yet.  I’m planning on doing that this weekend

1.- Whisk eggs 3-4 minutes, until bubbly and starting to pale in color.  Whisk in the butter at a slow drizzle.  Add vanilla and coconut milk and whisk until well-combined.

2.- In small bowl, mix sifted coconut flour, baking soda, and salt until combined.  Slowly whisk dry ingredients into the egg mixture until starting to thicken.  Let it rest about 10-15 minutes, so the coconut flour can absorb more liquid.  It will get thicker.  If it gets too thick (like, if you let it sit for an hour), add a little more coconut milk.

3.- Cook according to the directions on your waffle iron.

 

For this particular recipe, I fried chicken thighs and set one thigh on top of two waffles.  I sprinkled the skin on the thighs with salt and pepper, and friend them for about 10-12 minutes on each side in a seasoned cast iron skillet.

 

Nutritional Content per Waffle: Calories (96), Total Fat (7g), Saturated Fat (3.3g), Cholesterol (155.7 mg), Sodium (58 mg), Total Carbs (3.4g), Fiber (2.4g), Net Carbs (1g), Sugars (0.8g), Protein (6.3g)

 

Seriously Amazing Pizza (Primal and Keto)

Keto Pizza

Okay, even though pizza is not my favorite food (I’m blaming my mom–she ate pizza all the time when she was pregnant with me), I still occasionally miss it.  Plus, I can put anything on a pizza and Isak will suck it down.  Spinach, liver, tin cans, whatever.  But now that we’ve gone beyond a basic primal diet and moved into a fully keto diet (we are both now fully fat adapted–woohoo!), pizza is pretty much off the table.

That is, until I found a recipe for this crust.  You know how any sort of gluten-free pizza crust is basically just full of sadness and despair?  Am I the only one who thinks that?  They typically use rice flour, which is just gross, and nowhere near the consistency of real flour.  They always just…fall apart.  I’m not going to lie: this is not the same consistency of a regular filled-with-delicious-gluten crust.  It is, however, practically the consistency of a thin crust, AND you can hold it just like a slice of pizza.  It doesn’t turn into pizza-flavored baby food (that’s a conversation I had at Isak’s dance school today about trying multiple types of cauliflower crust).

So what’s it made out of?  Cheese.  Yep, the base of it is cheese.  I got this from EAT FAT LOSE FAT and played around with it until I found a flavor that I liked.  Side bar: If you just make the crust of the pizza, you can cut it into rectangles with a pizza wheel and make lovely bread sticks.  Game changer.

Seriously Amazing Pizza (Primal and Keto)

Serves 2-3

6 oz shredded mozzarella (you can also mix in cheddar)

2 T full-fat cream cheese (for those of you who aren’t doing keto, the full-fat part is important)

4 Tbsp grated Parmesan (Fresh grated–come on, people.  We aren’t animals)

1/3 C + 1T cashew (or almond) flour

2 Tbsp psyllium husk powder (you can get this in most “health food” stores, and some regular grocery stores–this gives it the texture of bread)

1 egg

1 Tbsp Italian seasoning

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1.- Heat oven to 450 (the original says to heat to “broil.”  Our broiler isn’t super reliable, so 450 is fine).  Put the shredded mozz into a medium bowl and heat in microwave until melted, but not browned.  This took me about three or four 30-second zaps.  It will be like cheese-flavored Gak when you get done.

2.- Let it cool for a minute or two and then dump everything else in the bowl.  Sprinkle the psyllium evenly or it gets clumpy.  Put on your gloves (you guys all have cooking gloves, right?) and start doing your Mixing Dough dance.  You don’t have one?  Maybe that’s just me.  Weird.  It will be super mushy and sticky.

3.- Get out your silpat (or greased parchment paper, whatever) and flatten it with your hands until it’s the size you want.  It’ll make a 10-12″ round.  Don’t make it so thin that there are holes.

4.- Cook in the oven for about 5-10 minutes.  You want it to be browned.  Take it out, flip the crust over, and cook another 5 minutes.  Take it out and put on your toppings.  I used about 2 Tbsp of plain tomato sauce, more mozz, pepperoni, mushrooms, basil, and oregano.  Put whatever you want.  Cook it another 5-10 minutes.  Let it cool about 5-ish minutes before cutting it.

Seriously, you will not regret making this pizza.  Go buy the stuff now.